Down and dirty: University of Virginia’s crude Condom Olympics

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT. DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED.

A recent University of Virginia (UVa) conference highlighting sexual misconduct on college campuses has been undermined or at least subverted by a March 2 school supported “Condom Olympics” festival.

Pre-publicity for the sordid event—promoted by University engineering student and Lambeth Senior Residential Assistant Andrew Jones and on Facebook—urged undersexed University students to “come out this Sunday” to partake of:

• Free games
• Free condoms
• Free lube
• Free taco bar (a crude sexual reference)
• Free desserts
• Free goodie bag

An email from Mr. Jones to an official University student-housing mailing list teased the event by asking:

Soo.. you think you know everything about condoms, huh?

Which links to a male-oriented sex site replete with crazy condom facts like:

According to researcher Debby Herbenick, women are just a likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom

And helpful suggestions to increase male sex drive, including a recommendation to consume an animal penis:

No, I’m not insulting you. Calm down. I literally mean eat a dick. In Asia, a fairly common remedy for the ol’ boner blues is to sup upon the genitals of a mighty animal. Whether it’s a rare tiger’s penis, or the twig and berries of a bull made into a hearty soup, Eastern folklore swears that it will get you going. Sure, there’s no actual science behind it, and chances are you’ll just be some sadsack who ate a tiger’s dick because some weird old man in the streets of Bangkok said it was a good idea, but these are desperate times, and maybe, just maybe, eating Tigger’s penis will put you in the mood. You won’t know until you try.

“Wrap the Cucumber” condom-application demonstrations, condom “blow up” contests, and “Down ‘n Dirty Jeopardy!” were some of the on-site “Olympic” events. Goodie bags with condoms, chocolate flavored lubricant, and other sex aids were awarded as prizes to contestants and observers alike.

The soundtrack to UVA’s Condom Olympics was equally offensive. Misogynistic, racist, and generally vile music, including Lil Wayne’s A Milli (excerpted below), contributed to the frivolity:

Call me what you want bitch
Call me on my Sidekick
Never answer when it’s private
Damn I hate a shy bitch

Don’t you hate a shy bitch?
Yeah I ate a shy bitch
She ain’t shy no more, she changed her name to my bitch
Yeah nigga, that’s my bitch
So when she ask for the money when you through don’t be surprised, bitch

It ain’t trickin’ if you got it
But you like a bitch with no ass, you ain’t got shit
Motherfucker I’m ill, not sick
And I’m o.k., but my watch sick

Yeah my drop sick
Yeah my glock sick
Am I not thick?
I’m it
Motherfucker I’m ill

According to the event’s Facebook page, the University of Virginia’s Department of Student Health at Elson Student Health Center helped underwrite expenses for The Condom Olympics; although, neither medical professionals nor Elson representatives were present for at least the event’s kickoff hour.

While UVa laments a culture of sexual violence, campus rape, sex-related murder—and admonishes young men to be sexually sensitive to issues of consent—it concurrently promotes hypersexuality under the guise of sexual preparedness and disease prevention.

Despite stated platitudes and cursory appearances, at the University of Virginia’s Condom Olympics:

• There was no respect for women.
• There was no promotion of male virtue.
• There was no acknowledgement of God’s vision for human sexuality.
• There was no concern for the inevitable emotional wreckage of casual sex.
• There was no mention of abstinence as the most effective prevention technique.
• There was only unbridled hedonism.

Titillation is not education, and in fact, is counter-productive to solving UVA’s serious sex-related problems. The Condom Olympics, and similar events, make the University’s atmosphere more, not less sexually dangerous for the children of the University of Virginia. Thomas Jefferson, surely, is spinning in his grave.

(n.b. UVa performs abortions on grounds, as an ultimate condom failsafe.)